he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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