I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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