Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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