Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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