i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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