i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
