hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
