Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
