I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
