wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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