I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
