i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Less talking, more tequila
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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