i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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