So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
