I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
