how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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