I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
