I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
