i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
