She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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