I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
