Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
