why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
