TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
