Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
