dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
