I need help removing her.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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