ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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