I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
there is glitter all over my balls
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
