If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
