Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
