I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
