DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
