No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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