i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
