Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
