I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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