I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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