I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
only you would photoshop your dick
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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