i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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