So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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