It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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