If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
