i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
