I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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