Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
