So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Terrible idea I love it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
