I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
