M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
