Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
