he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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